You feel heavily composed and somehow at a distance, but you also feel the pressure of thoughts about having too little time.
And you say you feel as if you keep returning to the same thoughts and actions again and again. You are looking for an explanation for your condition.

The most important thing is to be in dialog with me and to have a good everyday life. Nothing stops, everything is in motion and everything changes, and your condition helps you to choose the most important actions in a day.

As a result of this condition, you now realize that what happened on a given day turned out to be what was supposed to happen that day anyway. Therefore, you have no regrets or unrealistic expectations.
However, you feel as if you are not allowed to feel this way and fear, that you will be judged as lazy.

Listen, it sounds like you've mastered turning inward, and you can take good care of yourself here.