You say, that you feel ever more trusting.
Not in the big jackpot, but merely trusting,
that things are as they are.
When you don't feel trusting, you're telling me that nothing is going as expected.

On the latter, I have to comment, that this lack of trust is a consequence of imagining, that something could be different, which then creates a desire to work towards some goals.

Your answer is:

"I suppose, that we must have goals, then something happens, then there is action, then I move on, react and act upon reactions."

To that I have to say, and so be it:

On the one hand, don't sit and wait fatalistically for fate; on the other hand, don't rush things through while panicking as the net tightens even further. But then you must also know, that when the conditions are in place for things to happen and something will succeed - neither side makes sense.